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  現在的你,過得可好嗎?今年這個農曆年,有沒依循到三埉大伯家吃年夜飯呢?阿公還好嗎?這兩/三個月,你搬住在哪裡呢?有跟哥哥租住在一起嗎?還是剛好這短短的三/六十天裏,說不定你早買了房子? 

  有回去鄉下阿嬤家嗎?(雖然不期待她會很喜歡我,但我是真心聲聲喚著她如自己阿嬤的撒嬌與親暱。) 

  與「樂樂兒」還是其它網路認識的女孩交往與相見了嗎?身旁有新的女伴了嗎?

  雖然這樣的書寫,完完全全沒有必要,但因為認識了你,你是激發出我寫最多字的男人,「用文字書寫你,是我快窒息的氧氣罩!」不把你的一切寫出來,我就覺得我的心/我的身體/我的情感與靈魂,全然地不夠乾淨:「你仍殘留在我的身體裡,默默啃噬著我。」

 用鍵盤寫字和用原子筆一描/一撇/一劃地將「『你』帶出來」,那感覺和過程,我雖沒真正比較過差異,但我祇知道「書寫你的感情都是相同暖度和溫度的」。唯一明顯:「我寫字總習慣用較用力」,所以每寫一段,就要伸展一下手腕/鬆鬆手指展延一下,才能繼續下去。

 人們說:「寫字比較用力的人,感情也容易放得比較深/比較重。」聽聽就好,這樣坊間所傳還包括我覺最不根據和理由的例子:「頭髮多的人,天生會命比較苦。」我頭髮很多;也相信我們還有點默契,你看到這裏,應該笑了罷?

 ***

 這篇發文,我的確是先一個字一個字地寫在筆記本上,然後再騰回這裏。

   James Blunt 〈Goodbye My Lover〉

 "Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

 

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