鬼域

今天為這痞客邦的登出、登入頁面，一直不順遂，真是搞了一天也不知在幹嘛！剛剛把小粉筆電拿出來測試，想知道到底是這網路平臺的問題，還是自己的電腦出現了問題？目前在小筆電上面，它是很容易存取與秀出頁面的，既然結果是如此，那就可能真是這臺電腦不知出了什麼問題，以及一直想它有否中毒？可中毒，也不是這樣方式呀？！

這幾天心血都放在這裏，全付精神的想完成，但無奈天不從人願，再加電腦白痴的我，此時是要去找誰來解決問題呀？！

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真得把那些昔日的屍身肉塊撿回來，是好的嗎？既然那些都已過去、甚至有的過去很久，而妳憑藉文字的熟識去召喚過去自己的亡靈，這些的這些，妳一直在質疑著有否如此重要性？更何況，白的講：「妳是在逃避。」今天是二十六號的晚上了，妳也沒忘記某個朋友的生日；而距離下月繳租與搬家的費用、雜支開銷的所有林林總總，習於搬遷的妳，怎會不熟搬家要面臨的各種狀況與經濟上嚴重失血的損失？

所以，這幾天的夢境，總是與家人有關。但妳也知，搬回臺中的可能性並不高。一來是地盤完全不熟、再來是工作機會，因為妳連自己想做什麼工作都還沒個確定。但幸好妳一直在更換職業跑道，所以累積的經驗雖不專精，但也足堪應付了。寫字到這裏，既然覺得自己有這樣工作的獨立能力，那為什麼還會（近期常常思起）想搬回臺中與父母住？有一半是想念家庭，想跟父母撒嬌像回到孩時的天真；另一半是，稍有年紀的我，又逢近期體重爆增，站在我媽面前可能也不認識她女兒和覺得她女兒漂亮了罷？！（白描如此，不怕惹人笑；誰家父母會覺自己孩子醜的？）　

這幾天，用五分力，也不知怎地，一直在寫字。憂鬱時候，才會寫字亦或因為憂鬱誘發書寫的衝動？

總之妳就是一直在寫的不停筆。明明沒什麼事情的，可也能扯得落落長的一個篇章，但並不是妳沒傾吐的對象，反而妳覺更好的式，就是安靜坐在書房裏，敲下我手寫我心的句子，當成一個出口。

Song: 〈Speechless〉
Artist: Lady Gaga
Album: 《The Fame Monster》　

Speechless (無言以對) 歌詞 

I can't belive what you said to me
Last night when we were alone
You threw your hands up
Baby you gave up, you gave up
I can't believe how you looked at me
With your James Dean glossy eyes
In your tight jeans with your long hair
And your cigarette stained lies
Could we fix you if you broke?
And is your punch line just a joke?
I'll never talk again
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless
I'll never talk again
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless

I can't believe how you slurred at me
With your half wired broken jaw
You popped my heart seams
On my bubble dreams, bubble dreams
I can't believe how you looked at me
With your Johnnie Walker eyes
He's gonna get you and after he's through
There's gonna be no love left to rye
And I know that it's complicated
But I'm a loser in love
So baby raise a glass to mend
All the broken hearts
Of all my wrecked up friends
I'll never talk again
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless so speechless
I'll never love again,
Oh friend you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless
Hooow?
Haaaa-oooo-wow?
H-ooow?
Haaaa-oooo-wow?

And after all the drinks and bars that we've been to
Would you give it all up?
Could I give it all up for you?
And after all the boys and girls that we've been through
Would you give it all up?
Could you give it all up?
If I promise to you boy

That I'll never talk again
And I'll never love again
I'll never write a song
Won't even sing along
I'll never love again
So speechless
You left me speechless, so speechless
Will you ever talk again?
Oh boy, why you so speechless?
You've left me speechless
Some men may follow me
But you choose 「death and company」
Why you so speechless? Oh oh oh